Joseph Conor Reagan
by firemedic313
Summary: The first year of Joseph Conor Reagan’s life. Jamie and Eddie naviagte the trials of being parents, and going back to work. ***I DO NOT OWN BLUE BLOODS OR ANY OF IT’S CHARACTERS. I DO OWN MY STORY LINE, AND MY OC’S.***
1. One

Jamie glanced at the clock as he bounced a very hungry baby Joe. "03:00hrs. Little man, we are going to have to work on this sleeping through the night. What age do you start to sleep through the night?" Jamie sighed as the bottle warmer beeped, signaling the bottle was ready. He grabbed it out and walked back into the bedroom. He sat down on the bed and leaned against the headboard and gave Joe the bottle.

Eddie stirred next to him, sleep clouding her voice, "Thank you for getting him again. I'm just so tired."

"It's ok, I don't mind. Go back to sleep." Jamie rubbed her back, hoping he didn't sound as tired as he felt.

"That's a lie, but thanks for trying to make me feel better."

Jamie let out a yawn, "No, I don't mind taking care of him, and you need more rest than I do right now since you are still recovering. I am tired, I won't deny that."

Eddie gave a small smile "I love you."

"I love you too."

Eddie closed her eyes and immediately drifted back to sleep. Jamie adjusted his position slightly, and watched as Joe finished the bottle. He burped Joe and gave a small chuckle at the loudness of his belch. Jamie got up and swaddled Joe, then paced the room while bouncing Joe so he could get him to fall asleep.

A few minutes later, Joe was asleep and Jamie laid his tiny sleeping form into the bassinet and climbed back into bed. He drifted off with images of his perfect son, all his features etched into memory.

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"Babe, do you want to take the pump with us?"

"Please. Can you also make sure we have my cover in the diaper bag?"

Jamie gathered the items requested while Eddie finished getting ready for church. Once everything was packed, Jamie picked up Joe from the swing, and placed him in his car seat. As soon as he finished buckling him in, Eddie walked out of their room ready to head out.

"Ready for our first trip out of the house as a family of three?" Jamie gave Eddie a chaste kiss as he handed her the diaper bag and he picked up the car seat and the car keys.

"I guess so, do you think we have everything? Like do we need anything else besides the diaper bag, my pump, and the baby?" Eddie's brows furrowed together trying to think of anything else they could possibly need.

"I don't think so. But we are only going to church and then to my dad's house, if we need anything we can just head out early, and then we will know for next time." Jamie opened Eddie's door and held out his hand so she could climb into the Jeep. Once she was settled, Jamie opened the back door and placed the car seat in it's base, making sure it locked securely in place.

They drove in comfortable silence, both enjoying the moment. When they were a few blocks away from church, a tiny cry broke the silence.

"I bet he is hungry. Do we have time for me to feed him before church starts?"

Jamie looked at the clock, "Yea, we have plenty of time. That is the hazard of being a Reagan and being a cop, we are always early everywhere we go."

Eddie gave a small chuckle as she rooted around in the diaper bag before pulling out her cover. Jamie parked the car and then got out to get Joe so Eddie could feed him. As he handed Joe to Eddie he heard Danny yelling at Sean for skipping school again, but as soon as Jamie turned around, the yelling stopped.

"Hey kid. Want another kid? He skips school, so he could be a baby sitter." Danny gave Sean a pointed look. In return Sean rolled his eyes.

"Sean, you can't be cutting class. I know school is boring, but you gotta keep your grades up and graduate."

"Oh trust me. He knows I'll give him a beat down if he doesn't graduate."

Jamie laughed, "Is this what I have to look forward to when the teenage years hit?"

Danny gave Sean a noogie "Hopefully baby Joe isn't a total knucklehead like his older cousins. But he's half you so that should be enough for him to be the golden boy with the brains."

"I heard that Danny!" Eddie pointed at Danny from her spot in the car. "Not nice."

All four erupted into laughter at Eddie's comment. They barely noticed Frank walking up to them with Henry, Erin, and Nicky in tow.

"Uh-oh, what's so funny?" Frank's mustached twitched upwards like it does when he smiles.

Danny claimed Eddie was getting all sassy with him, trying to make himself look like an innocent. Eddie was getting out of the car while Danny made up his story. She burped Joe as she walked over to the group. "I know you don't believe a word he says, right?"

Danny feigned hurt "I am shocked that you think I would make up such accusations against you."

Eddie raised a fist, but her eyes twinkled with humor.

"Woah. No fighting while holding my nephew!" Erin reached out her arms for Joe, and Eddie handed him over. "You guys look exhausted. How much sleep have you gotten?"

Jamie and Eddie looked at each other before answering in unison. "None."

"He is up every two to three hours. Fortunately Eddie has been able to pump some so I can take a turn to feed Joe in the middle of the night, but we both wake up when he cries, and then it takes forever to get back to sleep." Jamie sighed as he pulled Eddie in close and kissed the top of her head.

"I remember those days. Linda was always yelling at me, mad because I didn't have boobs, and so I couldn't take a turn to feed the boys."

Eddie's cheeks flushed slightly, remembering a very similar conversation between her and Jamie a few days ago. To hide it, she turned around to grab the diaper bag and the car seat and closed the door to the Jeep. Jamie took the car seat and diaper bag from Eddie, locked the car, and dropped the keys into the outer pocket of the diaper bag.

"If you guys want to take a nap when we get to the house, we can take care of baby Joe for a little while. I think between all of us we can figure it out." Henry patted Jamie's shoulder as they made their way into church for mass.

"Thanks Pop, we might take you up on that offer." Jamie smiled at Eddie and gave her hand a squeeze.

As they walked up the stairs, they both watched as the normally tough-as-nails Erin walked with baby Joe cradled in her arms, while cooing and talking to him. Jamie and Eddie looked at each other, smiling at the sight before them, knowing they were incredibly blessed to have such a supportive family.

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"Who wants to wake them? Dinner will be ready in five minutes." Henry looked around at everyone in the kitchen, trying to get one of them to be the bad guy to wake Jamie and Eddie from their nap.

Danny effectively dodged that bullet since he was feeding Joe a bottle. "I've got the baby. Erin, you go get them."

"I'm setting the table, Nicky can go wake them." Erin gave Nicky a pleading look to go wake them, not wanting to be the bad guy.

"Why can't we just let them sleep? They can just eat when they wake up." Nicky laid the idea out as if she were the only one thinking it

Henry scoffed at the idea, "Nicky, it's Sunday dinner. Only bullet wounds and giving birth gets you excused."

Frank rolled his eyes. "If none of you are going to be brave, I will go. And Pop, I know it's been awhile since we have had a baby in the family, but I am going to give them the option to continue sleeping. They're exhausted." Frank's glare at Henry communicated that the decision was final, and he turned to go wake up the sleeping couple.

"Jamie, Eddie, dinner is ready. Do you want to get up or keep sleeping?"

Eddie stirred and slowly sat up, "Yea, give me a few minutes though, I need to feed baby Joe." Eddie nudged Jamie awake as she gathered her bearings. "Jamie, can you go grab baby Joe for me please?"

"Danny is feeding him a bottle right now, but do you want some time to pump?" Frank gave a soft smile, reassuring Eddie that they would wait for her before starting dinner.

"That would be great. Jamie, can you get—"

Jamie was already up across the room retrieving the pump for Eddie. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "I will be at the table, come out when you're finished and then we will start dinner."

Frank gave Eddie's shoulder a small squeeze and followed Jamie out into the dining room.

About ten minutes later, Eddie walked in and sat down at the dining room table. "Thanks for waiting for me, you guys could have started though."

"Nonsense. We always wait for everyone to be here before we start. Francis, would you like to say grace?" Henry gave Frank a pointed look, telling him that he was not requesting, but telling him to say the blessing.

After the blessing was said, plates were filled with food and normal conversation returned to the table. Soon, Danny made a comment about what Joe would think of the baby. Which then caused Jamie, in his sleep deprived state, to respond with a look of confusion, "What do you mean? Joe is the baby."

Erin gave a small chuckle. "I knew this was going to happen. Joe will always be Joe, and not that baby Joe can't be called Joe later, it's just really confusing right now. Plus, we can't always call him baby Joe. I vote we call him Joey."

Eddie leaned her head on Jamie's shoulder. "I like that. Are you okay with calling him Joey?"

Jamie leaned his head against hers, and smiled. "Yea, I like that. Little Joey."

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"Well, well, well. If it isn't Sgt. Daddy! How's parent life?" Tuna enthusiastically greeted Jamie with a hug, and bent down to look in the car seat at Joey.

"Hey Tuna, just here to fill out some paperwork. I come back next week. Parent life is great, aside from the lack of sleep and constant worry that I am going to screw up my kid, parent life is a total breeze."

"I feel ya. But don't worry sarge, you are going to be a great dad." Tuna smiled at Jamie and then shifted his gaze as Eddie walked through the door behind Jamie. "I'm sure you are a fantastic mother as well Janko."

Eddie came up and hooked her arm around Jamie's. The two responded in unison, "Thanks Tuna."

Jamie and Eddie walked back to Captain Espinoza's office to say hi, and to get the paperwork he needed to fill out. Capt. Espinoza was on the phone, so he acknowledged the couple with a wave and slid the paperwork towards Jamie. Once he retrieved the paperwork, they went and sat in Jamie's office while he filled it out.

Word spread quickly that the newest Reagan was in the house and almost every cop in the precinct came in to say hi to Jamie and Eddie, and fawn over Joey. Even Sgt. McNichols smiled at Joey as he slept away in his car seat.

Rachel came in and held Joey for a bit, claiming she could never get enough of his sweet little face, and to tell Eddie all the crazy things that have happened since she has been out. Rachel promised on her next day off to come over and bring dinner for Eddie and Jamie. McNichols called out for Rachel so she handed Joey back to Eddie and said a quick goodbye.

Eddie sighed, finally enjoying the quiet, too tired to enjoy the visit to the precinct. Capt. Espinoza came in with a light knock on the door. "Hello you two. How is everything?"

Jamie yawned, "Great. We are both exhausted, but it has been really great."

Espinoza smiled at Joey, and his typical tough demeanor and blank expression melted away at the sight of the sleeping baby.

"Do you want to hold him Capt.?" Eddie looked at Espinoza as he admired the baby in her arms.

"If you don't mind. He is quite the cutie."

Eddie handed Joey to Espinoza, and watched as the hard-ass captain persona melted away into that of a caring and loving father, quietly talking to the baby, and bouncing up and down as he walked back and forth across the room.

A few minutes later, Sgt. McNichols came back in and looked at Espinoza holding Joey.

"Don't be a baby hog Capt. I want a turn as long as Janko and Reagan are ok with that?" She looked at Jamie and Eddie, who both nodded their permission to McNichols.

McNichols softly sang to Joey as she rocked him, not caring that her hard-ass attitude was completely gone in that moment.

Jamie and Eddie shared a knowing smile, realizing there was way more to Espinoza and McNichols than they ever thought.

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"Hello, I am Dr. Frank Richardson, but all the kids call me Dr. Frankie. Who do we have here today?" The doctor shook the hands of Jamie and Eddie before sitting down on his stool and logging in to the charting system on the computer.

"I'm Jamie Reagan, and this is my wife, Eddie. We have our son, Joseph Conor Reagan." Jamie rested his hand on the handle of the car seat that was sitting on the examination table.

"Excellent. Any relation to Danny Reagan or the PC?" The doctor looked Jamie up and down trying to see if there was any relation. "My daughter did the police explorer program a few years ago, I met him at the end of the program after my daughter couldn't stop talking about how inspirational he was. Really great guy."

Jamie just smiled, "Yes, Danny is my older brother and my father is the PC."

"Well, it looks like he raised some great kids. I used to treat Danny's kids when they were younger." The doctor smiled and turned back to his computer. "So, Joseph, looks like we were perfectly healthy when we were born, six pounds and three ounces, eighteen inches long. Vaginal birth, and looks like we are being breast fed. Mom and Dad, are we first time parents? What line of work are each of you in? Also, are we going by Joseph or do we have a nickname for the little guy?"

"We are calling him Joey. Jamie and I are both cops, and yes, this is our first baby, although he is a lot sooner than we planned." Eddie looked over at Joey's sleeping form, and then back to the doctor with a soft smile on her lips.

"I hear that a lot, but I also hear that they wouldn't trade it for the world. Lets get Joey's check-up under way, and see how that little man is doing."

The doctor went about his check-up getting Joey's measurements and weight, making sure everything still looked good. Joey had gained three pounds since he was born, and was now twenty inches long. Joey started to fuss at all the movement, and because he was cold.

"Mrs. Reagan, the last thing I need to do today is give him the next round of the hepatitis B vaccine. What I have found that works in the past is to start feeding the little guy, and then I will give him the shot. That way, he is distracted and wont react too much to the shot. Are you ok with doing that?"

Eddie looked over at Jamie, who had a reassuring look in his eye. Although she was never shy about her body prior to having Joey, she was suddenly shy now. She read that she would regain her confidence soon, but in moments like these, she felt she would never feel as confident as she was again.

"Ok, I can do that." Eddie nodded at the doctor as she took Joey from his arms.

"Excellent. I am going to go and get the vaccine drawn up, so you can take a few minutes to get situated with however you are comfortable." With that, the doctor strode out of the room, and closed the door behind him.

Eddie sat down on the exam table and began to feed Joey, as Jamie looked at all the posters on the wall. Moments later the doctor was back in, and within seconds, had administered the vaccine and was disposing of the needle. Joey was totally unfazed and continued to happily nurse.

"All done. Joey is perfectly healthy. I will see him back in a month. I will let you finish feeding him, and then when you are done, head to check out and schedule your next appointment. Congrats you two, and please say hello to Danny and your father for me." The doctor shook Jamie's hand and then walked out of the room to see his next patient.

Jamie and Eddie sat in contented silence as Joey finished nursing. Eddie burped him and put him back in his car seat. Eddie gathered her things as Jamie picked up Joey in his car seat. They held hands as they made their way to checkout, and then out to the car. They were both pleased to know that despite the challenges they have faced, Joey was healthy and strong, and was growing appropriately.

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A/N: I feel like the baptism should be its own chapter, so I will write that separately. Hope you enjoyed the first month of Joey's life! Please RR, it is very much appreciated!

-FireMedic313


	2. Baptism

A/N: I'm sorry it has been so long since I have updated! With starting back to work, getting a new shift assignment, and family visiting for the holidays, I haven't found too much time to write. Thank you to all of you who have reviewed! It means a lot knowing you enjoy the thoughts that go through my brain!

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The Reagan clan was milling around the church, waiting for all the guests to file in and sit down. Eddie was in a back room feeding Joey, enjoying the few moments of quiet before the baptism began. She fingered the satiny white material of Joey's sash of his baptism suit, admiring how much he has grown in the few short weeks he has been alive. A few more minutes passed and a slight knock was heard at the door, with Jamie calling out asking if she was decent. Joey had finished eating so Eddie put herself back together and then shifted Joey to her shoulder to burp him. She called out to Jamie letting him know she was decent, and then Jamie walked in.

"Hey you, are you ready?" He kissed her softly on the lips, one hand snaking around her back while the other rubbed small circles on Joey's tiny back.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers.

"Yea, I am. Have you told Danny and Erin they are the god-parents yet?"

Jamie pulled back as a knock sounded on the door behind him. "No, I figured we could do it together."

He opened the door so his siblings could come in the room, Erin immediately went for Joey as Danny gave her a scowl because she got to him first.

"So kid, what'd ya want?"

Jamie pulled Eddie into a side hug as he looked Danny and Erin in the eyes. Eddie was the one who spoke as Jamie suddenly found it hard to speak.

"We wanted to ask you both to be Joey's god-parents? I know you both are done raising kids, but Nicky, Jack, and Sean have all turned out so great. If anything happens to me and Jamie, we want you both to be the ones who raise him." Eddie wiped the tears from her eyes, looking hopefully at the two stunned people before him.

Danny, trying to lighten the mood, thought for a brief second. "Do I get to call him numb nuts if he starts to act like a knuckle head?"

All four laughed at Danny's comment, which startled a sleeping Joey who began to cry. Danny took the small baby from Erin's arms as he stared her down. "Way to make your god-son cry."

Erin raised a fist in response, but watched as the tough-as-nails, hard ass, take-no-shit detective first-grade, melted into a big puddle of mush when it came to his tiny nephew. Danny bounced the baby as he slowly walked circles in the small room, cooing and babbling at Joey as he waved his little arms and legs. Erin slid her phone out of her pocket and filmed Danny with Joey, to use as leverage if she ever needed it.

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Father Kearns finished anointing Joeys head with oil, and handed him to Danny. Danny carried Joey to the font where he was surrounded by Jamie, Eddie, and Erin. Erin laid her hand on Joey's chest as Father Kearns blessed the water and began pouring it over Joey's head.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit" Father Kearns said the blessing as he poured the holy water over Joey's head three times.

Eddie wiped away a stray tear as Jamie pulled her in close. They watched as Father Kearns took the now crying Joey from Danny's arms, and held him up as he presented him to their friends and family.

"May God bless Joseph Conor Reagan. Let us all guide this child of God throughout his life with Christ."

Having been dismissed, those who came to witness the baptism stood up and shuffled out to their cars to head to Frank's home for a luncheon.

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The luncheon was a bustle of activity, and Joey was passed around from person to person, which had Eddie a bit o edge because every time she looked up, Joey was in a different set of hands.

As Eddie stood back, surveying the crowd trying to locate Joey, Jamie walked behind her and snaked his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.

"I love you. I hope you know that."

Eddie cocked her head as she tried to process why Jamie was suddenly saying he loved her. They weren't really the couple that said that every five seconds. Sure, they said it when one of them left, or when someone was on shift, and after Joey was born. She strained her neck looking back at Jamie.

"Everything ok?"

Jamie kissed the side of Eddie's neck "Nope, I just wanted to let you know how beautiful and amazing you are."

Eddie turned herself around in Jamie's arms, then drew him in for a small kiss, which slowly started to heat up. The two were close to forgetting their surroundings, until a tiny cry popped their bubble. Jamie leaned his forehead against Eddie's and gave her on last quick kiss.

"I'll get him babe, you relax." With that, Jamie headed off to find Joey, but almost ran into Danny as he shuffled through the small crowd. Danny looked a bit surprised to find Jamie there looking for the baby.

"Here kid. Your kid has a dirty diaper. I'm not taking care of that." Danny let out a small chuckle. "Part of me is glad those days are over, diaper duty sucks."

Jamie gave Danny a pointed look. "I specifically remember the rule of 'if you have the kid when it needs a diaper change, you have to change the diaper.' So what happened to that rule?"

"It doesn't apply anymore, it only applied to you for Sean and Jack. But since it's his baptism day, I will be a good uncle and change the diaper. Where is the stuff?"

Jamie told Danny where the diaper bag was, and watched as he retreated into the house carrying Joey. He smiled to himself, because despite the tough exterior, Danny was just a big softie. He is a great dad, and Jamie thought that if he could be like Danny, maybe he wouldn't screw up his kids too much.

Jamie turned around to talk to Eddie but found that she had moved from her spot. At his confused look, Erin told him that Eddie went in the house to either feed Joey, or pump if Joey wasn't hungry. Jamie nodded and went in search of some old friends from the 12th precinct to catch up.

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As the party was winding down, and everyone was saying their good-bye's, Joey got hungry again. Henry volunteered to feed him, and happily grabbed the tiny, squirming baby, and got a bottle. The rest of the family cleaned up the mess, and then sat down at the table, most of them with a small glass of whiskey.

They sat and talked, not realizing how much time had passed, until Eddie heard a small cry coming from the living room. She got up and poked her head around the corner to peer into the room and found Henry sound asleep while holding Joey. Joey's cries had stopped so Eddie went back to the table, grabbed her phone, and took a picture of the scene before her. She then quietly took Joey out of Henry's arms and walked back to the dining room to lent Jamie know that she was ready to go.

They said their good-byes, and headed out the door. The couple was exhausted, but they had a great day with friends and family. Although Eddie is not Catholic, she was glad to partake in the traditions of the Reagan family and of the Catholic faith. Maybe, one day, even she might get baptized.

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Sunday dinner was it's usual back and forth between Danny and Erin, arguing over their latest case. Eddie finally broke through the arguing, not being able to handle any more talk of work.

"Hey! Can we PLEASE pick a different topic?"

Startled, the all stared for a moment. Henry was the first to break the silence.

"Everything alright Eddie?"

Eddie felt tears forming in her eyes, and she tried not to let them spill over, or let anyone notice that she was getting all teary-eyed for no reason, except for the fact that her hormones were still way off kilter.

"Jamie goes back to work tomorrow, and I just want to enjoy dinner and not talk about work because I don't know how I am going to be able to take care of Joey all by myself."

A few tears spilled over and she laid her head on Jamie's shoulder, embarrassment coloring her face.

"Eddie, you know, the best part of being a Reagan, and the best part of being an NYPD cop, are exactly the same. You have a family. Everyone sitting at this table will be happy to help you adjust, or take Joey off your hands for a little bit. And I am sure some of the friends you have made within NYPD can offer some other parenting advice, or, when the time comes, day care options. You just have to ask." Frank gave her a reassuring smile, hoping to drive his message home.

"But what if you don't make it home Jamie? I can't do this without you, I can't do this all alone." Eddie's voice sounded so small, it made Jamie's heart ache.

"You know I can't promise that I will come home, but I will promise that I will do my best to stay safe so that I can come home. There are a whole lot of cops that have my back, and yours, and everyone else wearing NYPD blue. I know, without a doubt, that someone will have your back if anything were to happen to me. I can name seven people right now who wouldn't think twice about helping you, and they all share our last name." Jamie kissed the top of Eddie's head, and then to lighten the mood, he pulled back to look her in the eyes, "And if I should be worried about anybody hurting me, it's you. Correct me if I am wrong, but I distinctly remember you threatening to kill me when we were in the delivery room— Ouch!"

Eddie jabbed him in the bicep and gave him a look that dared him to keep talking.

Danny and Erin joined in, with Danny requesting an arrest warrant for Eddie, and Erin agreeing to the warrant for threatening an officer of the law.

Their attempt to ease her worries helped slightly, but the joke had the entire table laughing, which helped brighten Eddie's mood.

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A/N: I am not Catholic, so my apologies to everyone if I did not write this accurately! Again, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update. I am just trying to get back in my routine, and since the holidays are here, it has been extra difficult. Hopefully I will have chapter 3 published by the new year!

-FireMedic313


	3. Back to Work

A/N: I am incredibly sorry it has been so long since my last update. With the holiday festivities, my work schedule, writers block, and the very sudden passing of my dog on 1/16/2020, it has taken me forever to get this chapter written. Thanks for sticking with me, and being understanding while I deal with the loss of my dog, and get myself back together.

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It was Jamie's first day back at work and he did not want to leave. Spending time with Eddie and Joey the past few weeks have been incredibly blissful, and he was not ready to leave the little world he and Eddie had been living in. As he left the house, he gushed over Joey's sleeping form and told Eddie, probably twenty times, to call him if he needed anything. Eddie tried to assuage his worries, and promised to send pictures and updates throughout the day. Jamie reluctantly walked out and headed to work while Eddie laid back down in an attempt to get more sleep.

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"Hey Sarge! Welcome back!"

Jamie was engulfed by Tuna in a very enthusiastic hug. Tuna had missed having Jamie as his patrol partner, but was happy that Jamie got to spend time with his baby.

"Hey Tuna, how's it hanging?" Jamie walked with Tuna to the locker rooms so he could change for roll call. When they reached the sergeants locker room, Tuna left to go make the both of them a cup of coffee. Jamie opened his locker and pulled out the newborn picture of Joey, and hung it inside his locker. He also stuck a picture of Eddie and Joey inside of his cap. He quickly changed and headed in to the roll call room.

"Officers, fall in!" He waited as the rank and file shuffled into their positions in the line-up so he could start the morning briefing. Once everyone had lined up, Jamie eyed them carefully.

"On my command, open ranks for inspection. Open ranks." The officers shuffled slightly so that Jamie could come around and do his inspections. He eyed them each as he surveyed their uniform, ensuring everyone was following SOP guidelines. He lingered a few times enjoying the people who nervously shifted their eyes around, attempting to avoid eye contact. Once Jamie had looked over each officer, he went back to the podium.

"Officers, close ranks, at ease. You all seem to have remembered the dress code while I have been out. Good job."

Jamie continued with the briefing, going over a few warrants, crimes to look out for, and then gave everyone their assignments for their tour. Before dismissing, Jamie had one more item to cross off his list.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is good to be back. Lets have a safe tour today. I would like to have as little paperwork as possible, so if anyone gives me unnecessary paperwork, you will be scrubbing toilets with a tooth brush for a few weeks..." Jamie traded off watching the shocked expressions on the officers faces. "... But on a serious note, I want you all to come back in one piece today. Lets get out there, you are all dismissed."

With that, the officers shuffled out, headed to their patrol cars to get started with their tour. Tuna came up to Jamie, a coffee in each hand.

"Here sarge, black just how you like it. How is the dad life? Pretty great, huh? Some days I get a bit frustrated, but my kids are worth it. Has he started doing anything yet like smiling or cooing?"

Jamie sipped his coffee as they walked out to their patrol car, and then gave Tuna a confused look before responding, "Tuna, he's two months old. All he does is eat, sleep, and poop. I thought they didn't start doing things until they were older."

"Well, that's true. Sometimes they get a little smile on their face, but its usually gas. It still counts in my book."

Tuna started the patrol car, put it in drive, and headed out towards their sector. "How's Eddie doing with all this?"

Jamie smiled as he thought of Eddie with Joey. "She's a natural. She is so good with him. She is pretty tired, but I guess that comes with the territory of having a newborn. When do they start sleeping through the night?"

Tuna laughed and shook his head, "Every kid is different, but don't expect your kid to start sleeping through the night until they are at least six months old. But even then, it was probably a fluke." Don't worry though, that is why god created coffee."

Jamie laughed until he heard a 10-13 come over the radio. Tuna turned on the lights and sirens and sped off as Jamie spoke on the radio. "Show 2-9 sergeant responding. Central, start EMS and have them stage, we will advise when the screen is clear for them to enter."

Tuna glanced at Jamie and then gave a lopsided grin. "You know you jinxed yourself, right? The whole comment about no extra paperwork, it was like saying the "Q" word."

Jamie groaned as he sent Eddie a quick text eating her know that he would be late getting home, but he loved her and Joey and would see them later. He slipped his phone in his pocket, and checked his magazines to ensure both were full and ready to go, and mentally prepared himself for whatever he was about to encounter.

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A/N #2: I am probably going to skip the next 2-3 months since babies really don't start doing things until they are around 5 months old anyway. Again, thanks for sticking with me even though it has been forever since I sat updated. Also, I am sorry this is a short chapter, but my head is still trying to process the sudden passing of my dog. She was a sweet girl, and she was still quite young, and she was totally healthy until the day she passed. If you have any furry friends, hug them tight and give them extra love from me. Run free my sweet Bella girl, I will see you one day on the other side of the rainbow bridge...


	4. Nightmares

TRIGGER WARNING- this chapter will contain a scenario involving SIDS. The events surrounding that part of the story line are based on a real life scenario that my parents had to deal with. I will do a few rows of line break before and after the part involving SIDS, with a second TW, so those who do not want to read it, can skip it.*

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Joey was now 4 months old, and Eddie was due to go back to work in 2 weeks. They were all gathered around the dinner table, talking about the pro's and con's of daycare.

"I don't know, part of me wants to stay home and take care of him, but I miss going to work. I feel like I'm a bad mom if I put him in daycare." Eddie sighed and wiped her cheek as a few tears fell.

Jamie hugged Eddie into his side and kissed her hair. "I promise, everything will be ok. You aren't a bad mom if you put him in daycare. Honestly, I think that will help him as he grows, being around other kids his age, I think it will be good for him. I'll talk to some of the guys at the precinct and see what daycare they recommend."

"I got lucky with Linda. She never wanted to work while the boys were little, but she also wasn't;t on the job, so she could quit without any consequence. A lot of people on the force have kids Eddie, and I don't think any less of them when they come back to work after their kids are born." Danny shrugged his shoulders as he shoveled more food into his mouth.

Erin decided to chime in, since Danny wasn't very helpful. "It was hard going back after Nicky. But I found an awesome daycare and she loved it. Mentally, you need the break that comes with going back to work. I felt like I was starting to go crazy being home with an infant all the time by myself. It will be hard the first few weeks, but you are strong. I know you will be ok. It's probably harder on you than it is on Joey." She gave Eddie a reassuring smile, and rubbed her shoulder before adding a final comment. "I'll ask they younger moms at my work what daycare they use and let you know what they recommend. Now, lets talk about how big this little guy is getting! I can't believe he is four months old!"

Once the topic of conversation changed, Eddie felt her mood lighten. She knew it would be hard, and that she may even have to transfer out to another precinct if staying on midnights didn't work out, but she would think about that later. For now, she was just going to focus on the now.

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A few days after the daycare conversation, Jamie was at work and out on patrol. Eddie had sent Jamie a few pictures, and a video that morning of Joey. He discovered his feet and was totally enamored by them. He had also started rolling from his tummy onto his back. Jamie felt his heart swell with joy. Ever since Joey was born, he felt like a huge weight was taken off his chest. He had always felt like he was being crushed with guilt, and grief, but Joey seemed to have changed all of that. Sure, being married to Eddie had certainly helped with that, but bringing in a new life to the world just seemed to change something inside of his heart.

Tuna saw Jamie staring at his phone with a goofy grin on his face. "What's so funny sarge? If it's Joey, I've gotta see it."

Jamie turned his phone to Tuna to show him the videos and pictures Eddie had sent him.

"Thank god he looks like Eddie, otherwise he would not be the cutest baby I've seen." Tuna chuckled at his friendly jab at Jamie, who just shook his head and laughed. "Oh shut up man, I don't want to hear it out of you."

"Central to two-nine sergeant, we need you to respond to Sunny Days Daycare for report of an unknown medical. EMS and fire have been dispatched but are delayed as they are coming from another first due."

"Show two-nine sergeant responding" Jamie spoke into his radio as Tuna turned on the lights and sirens and headed towards the daycare.

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TRIGGER WARNING*

As Jamie and Tuna pulled up to the daycare, a staff member ran out screaming.

"OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. HE WAS FINE WHEN I PUT HIM DOWN FOR HIS NAP."

Jamie and Tuna got out of the car, Jamie running inside leaving Tuna to grab the AED and small medical bag from the trunk of their RMP. The staff member led Jamie into a room with cribs lining the walls, a small crowd was huddled in the center of the room. Jamie could hear the dispatcher giving CPR instructions over the phone, helping the staff keep a good rhythm and to keep them focused.

Tuna rounded the corner with the medical bags, and he and Jamie went over to the crowd to begin providing medical assistance. They pushed through the crowd to find a staff member performing CPR on an infant. A lump began to form in Jamie's throat. He was looking down at the baby, a boy, who was about Joey's size. Tuna could sense that Jamie couldn't form words so he handed him the medical bags and got down on the floor to take over CPR.

"How old is he? What happened? How long has be been down?" Tuna rattled off the questions to the staff member who was the one doing CPR on the baby.

"Uh, he's uhm, four months old. We put him down for his nap about an hour ago, and we came in about 15 minutes ago and saw that he was blue in the face and he wasn't breathing. We called nine-one-one as soon as we saw him and they told us to start CPR. You have to help him." The staff member was trying to keep a strong face, but Tuna could see her resolve crumbling.

Jamie broke out of his trance, "Central, this is two-nine sergeant, what is the ETA on that bus?"

"Two-nine sergeant, ETA on the bus is approx fifteen minutes. The unit closest to your location is on another call."

"Copy. Central, cancel that bus, two-nine sergeant will be transporting one pediatric patient to Saint Vic's."

"Copy two-nine sergeant."

Tuna turned around with the lifeless little body in his arms, doing CPR as they headed out to the RMP. Once outside, Jamie took the baby from Tuna and climbed into the back seat. They sped off towards the hospital, and Tuna radioed in to let the hospital know they were enroute.

"Saint Vics hospital, this is NYPD RMP two-nine sergeant. we are inbound to your facility with a four month old pediatric patient who is in cardiac arrest. CPR is in progress at this time. ETA is approximately five minutes. How do you copy?"

"We copy two-nine sergeant, we will see you shortly."

Jamie was so focused, he did not realize when they pulled up to the hospital. Suddenly his door was flung open, and doctors and nurses were trying to take the baby from him. Jamie reluctantly let go, and only as the baby was being whisked away did he notice his cheeks were wet.

Jamie swiftly turned on his heel and walked back to the RMP. When he reached it, he broke down sobbing. He knew the baby was dead. He knew his efforts were futile. All he could think of was Joey, and all the similarities between Joey and the little baby he just brought in. Jamie grabbed his phone and called Eddie, who answered on the second ring.

"Hey Jamie, everything ok?"

"Where is Joey?"

"What? Why? Is everything ok?"

"Eddie, just tell me where he is, please."

"I just laid him down for a nap. Jamie, he's fine. What is going on with you?"

"Go check and make sure he is breathing."

"Jamie, you are scaring me. I just laid him down about five minutes ago, he is fine."

"Eddie. Please. I just need you to go and check on him. Put the phone down near his face, I need to hear him breathe."

"Jamie, I'm telling you he is fine. I'll go check anyway, but he is fine."

Eddie walked into Joey's room and saw that he was fast asleep in his crib, letting out the occasional soft snore. She held the phone down for about a minute so Jamie could hear Joey breathing. After she held the phone down, she walked out of the room to let Jamie know that she is taking good care of him, and that he is perfectly fine. Before she could speak, she heard Jamie's soft sobs on the other end of the line. Jamie hastily said goodbye before Eddie could ask any further questions for the time being.

Jamie walked inside the ER to find Tuna, sitting outside the room. Jamie walked over to Tuna and saw a couple running towards him, crying, asking where their son was. Jamie stood up and led them to some chairs, preventing the couple from going into the room and seeing their son in his condition.

"I'm sergeant Reagan with the NYPD. I was the one who brought your son here today. Can you tell me his name?"

"Jus— Justin. His name is Justin. Please, what's going on?" The woman was fighting back tears, trying to keep her composure.

"My partner over there is going to have a doctor come out and talk with you. I will sit right here with you until the doctor comes out to talk to you."

Moments later, the doctor came out of the room, with a look of defeat on his face. He led Justin's parents into a private room and told them the news. At the cries of despair from the parents, Jamie felt the last of his resolve wearing away, and he ran out of the ER to the RMP, Tuna hot on his heels.

"Sarge! Hey! It was SIDS man, there was nothing any of us could have done."

"That could have been Joey. He is four months old, just like Justin. It could have easily been him."

Tuna put a hand on Jamie's shoulder, looking him in the eye, trying to read his expression. "Sarge, once you have kids, these calls change for you. You can't ask why, you can't think about what if it were your kid. Just go home, and hold your son tight. That is the only way to get through these calls. Don't be afraid to reach out either. These calls are tough for anyone, but once you become a parent, it's like a switch is flipped. Let's get back to the precinct and get the paperwork done. Capt. might let us go home early to decompress from this. I'll drive us back."

Jamie pulled Tuna in for a quick hug, and mumbled his thanks. They got into the RMP and headed back to the station.

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Once back at the station, Tuna and Jamie finished their paperwork. Captain Espinoza walked over to the two young officers sitting at their desk doing paperwork with solemn expressions on their faces.

"Both of you, tour is over. Go home, decompress. I don't advise being alone right now. That was a tough call. If you want, I can give you the number to our critical incident stress management team, talk it through with them if you need."

Tuna looked up at Captain Espinoza, curiosity written all over his face. "Critical incident stress management team?"

Espinoza smiled, "Yes. CISM team. Run by your peers, they are trained to help you cope with tough calls. Since it is run by your peers, you are talking to someone who is on the job, and knows what sights we see and what it feels like to deal with a bad call."

With that, Jamie and Tuna got up, turned their reports in, and headed to the locker room to change out of their uniforms.

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Eddie was sitting on the couch nursing Joey when she heard keys jingling, and the door unlocking. Confused, Eddie got up to investigate and was surprised to see Jamie standing in the hallway outside their door.

"Jamie?"

He gave no answer, just walked in the door, dropped his bags and then turned around to face Eddie. He shook his head as he started to cry.

"Jamie? What happened? Talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

"SIDS." It was all Jamie could get out in between sobs, but it was all Eddie needed to hear.

"Jamie... Oh my god, I am so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to try and forget about it? Tell me what I can do to help."

"Joey. I just want to sit with you and hold Joey tight, and soak up every minute with him. Ed, the baby was Joey's age, his name... his name was Justin. Ed, all I kept seeing was Joey lying in Justin's place."

Eddie pulled Jamie into a tight embrace, being mindful of Joey who was still nursing. A few tears fell from her eyes onto Jamie's shoulder. "It's all going to be ok. Joey is right here, and he is perfectly fine. I love you. I promise, you will get through this.

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A loud beeping intruded into Eddie's perfect sleep. She must have been dreaming, she never woke up once to take care of Joey. She rolled over, trying to ignore the sound. "Jamie... turn it off." She sleepily mumbled into her pillow. When the sound persisted, Eddie rolled over to face Jamie, only to find that he wasn't there. She turned off the alarm clock, and went in search of him.

After she checked the entire apartment, Eddie finally saw the note left on the table. "Went for run with Joey. Be back soon. Love, Jamie"

Eddie looked at her watch, noticing it was only 0530hrs, she decided to put on a pot of coffee for Jamie and head back to bed to get a little bit more sleep.

The smell of bacon woke Eddie from her sleep. She looked at the clock and noticed that an hour had passed since she had woke up to Jamie's alarm. She walked out to the kitchen to find a freshly showered Jamie, standing shirtless in their kitchen cooking breakfast.

"Jamie? Aren't you going to be late for work?" Eddie stretched as she walked over to him and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I called in today. I figured we could go check out those two daycare places you found, and I could spend some time with you and Joey, just hanging out, I don't care where."

"Jamie... If you get caught playing hooky you're going to be in some serious trouble. I know you were pretty shaken up yesterday, but I promise, Joey and I are going to be just fine while you go to work."

Jamie sighed and looked at the floor as his eyes welled with tears. He kept his head down as he spoke. "I already called Father Mark, and the CISM team. I meet with our CISM team today at eleven, and Father Mark tomorrow at noon. I know that makes me sound weak, but I don't think I can shake this by myself. I called the Capt. after I got back from my run to let him know and he told me to take the day." He walked over to the coffee pot to refill his cup. "Sorry, I know I am usually stronger than this, I just.." Jamie's voice hitched as it trailed off, "I just keep seeing his face. I know its stupid, and I'm sor—"

"Jameson Reagan, stop. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. Not only that, but we have a baby now. Everyone I have ever talked to said that having a kid of your own, it changes how those calls affect you. Jamie, I don't think anyone would be ok after that call. I don't think any less of you, and I know that nobody else will think any less of you either." Eddie pulled Jamie in close, and held his face between her hands. She kissed away the tears that had fallen down his cheeks. The two just stood and held each other for a few moments, savoring the comfort the other gave them.

"Now, I'm really hungry, and we have a busy day today. So, lets eat, I'll get a shower, and then we can head out. Sound good?" Eddie's eyes met Jamie's, hoping that he could see all her love for him, and hoping that he could see that she didn't think anything less of him for having trouble dealing with the call.

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After Sunday dinner, Danny was washing dishes, while Jamie finished clearing the table.

"Here, this is the last of them." Jamie set the stack of plates down on the counter, and turned to walk back out to the living room to watch the game with the rest of the family.

"Hey kid, hold up a second."

Jamie sighed, but turned around to see what Danny wanted. "What's up Danny?"

"I heard about the call you had a few days ago. You did everything you could."

"Thanks for the reminder Danny. Anything else?" Jamie's words came out bitter.

"What I mean is, I've run similar calls. Having a kid, it changes you. Talk to someone, me, dad, pop, Eddie, or someone else. Talking about it, while painful, really helps. Hold Joey just a little tighter, soak in those moments just a little bit more. It's a tough call to deal with, but you aren't any less of a man or a cop for being upset by this call."

Jamie pulled Danny into a tight embrace, a few tears falling onto Danny's shoulder. "Thanks Danny, that means a lot."

"Anytime. I know I don't always say it, but you are one hell of a cop."

With a final pat on the back and a quick nod, the conversation finished. The nod saying more than words ever could. Jamie couldn't quite pinpoint why, but he felt like a small weight was lifted from his shoulders. He knew he would be ok, and talking with Danny helped repair some of the damage that was done.


End file.
